Motherlode Blog: How Do Close Family Members Handle Disagreements About Politics?

KJ Dell’Antonia Every Friday, we pose a question to the Motherlode community. The next week, we pull together the best responses. Got a quandary? E-mail KJ ».

When I posted, around the time of the first presidential debate, that “our debate-watching household will include reasonable adults who disagree (as reasonable adults truly can) on the desired outcome of the 2012 presidential election,” an astute reader wrote, asking if that meant that my husband and I “disagreed about politics” and how, if that was true, we handle our disagreements (Watching the Presidential Debates — With Children). For her, it’s a quandary — she and her serious boyfriend have found themselves in political “discussions” that veer off into arguments all too often in the past few months.

The answer is that my husband and I, both independent voters who have cast ballots on both sides of the aisle, do disagree this time around. But I was really referring to my father, who was visiting me during the debate, and who votes strictly down a party line. When we do disagree (and in the past four years that’s been nearly all the time), “heated” truly is an understatement. We have shouted, we have hung up on one another, and we have, ultimately, agreed simply to not talk about politics, ever (except when we do). My dad is an avid follower not just of the policy side of the election (my primary interest) but of the “horse race,” and I knew he wouldn’t agree to turn the television off for the sake of harmony.

Dad chose to watch the debate on a smaller television in my office, but when I unexpectedly found my 11-year-old snuggled in with him and watching avidly, I sat down too. We managed to maintain a truce that lasted not just for the debate, but for the visit, and it was a huge relief not to avoid the subject, but not to be stuck in conversations that ended in tears, either.

I’ll write more about how we handle the political reality of a house divided in an election season next week, but for now, I’d like to hear from you. Do you disagree with close family members on the desired outcome for Election 2012? If so, do you avoid political discussion, or welcome dynamic debate? Are your children aware of your differences, and do you find that, in order not to cast a family member in a bad light, you have to moderate how you talk to them about the issues — for better, or for worse?

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